


Glazed Eyes, Empty Hearts

by rogersmorse



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, F/M, i wouldn't quite say addiction yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 08:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4384589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rogersmorse/pseuds/rogersmorse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They each found their vices after the split, still similar and different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glazed Eyes, Empty Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this on a caffeine rush around midnight or so.
> 
> It started with [Emily's](https://twitter.com/LanceMorses) painful HC about Bobbi getting addicted to painkillers (with Rachel's lovely addition about them fighting). Also slightly inspired by the latest season of Graceland. Seriously, that show has wonderful plots.
> 
> Title taken from Happy Little Pill by Troye Sivan
> 
> [Emily made a picspam for this fic that you should check out.](http://thelancehunter.tumblr.com/post/124598546171/companion-to-glazed-eyes-empty-hearts-they-each)

She misses the morphine. It’s a much stronger drug than what the doctor gave her but oxy still gets the job done.

Morphine worked quicker too. Took the pain away instantly. Made her entire body feel like it was floating on a cloud. Cleared her mind. Didn’t make her think of the mess that was her personal life.

An ex-husband who damn near drank himself to death each night, who’d call her when he was feeling particularly sentimental. Reminded her of why she fell in love with him. And then reminded her of why she divorced him.

They were too similar. Led private lives. Too stubborn. Too damn prideful. Gave their entire being to one thing.

That was where they were different though. He gave his everything to her; she gave her everything to her job.

They each found their vices after the split, still similar and different. He turned to alcohol while she turned to painkillers. 

She hadn’t meant to get hooked, truly. The pain from the gunshot wound that pierced her side was severe, and she upped her dosage as needed. She thought she’d be strong and wait the pain out, but it never receded.

It started with taking one extra pill. 

Her body would sing with pleasure as everything went numb and she just stopped feeling. Her mind was off in fucking outer space, empty and racing at the same time. 

The coming down was terrible. The pain would start as a little niggling at the back of her mind until it blossomed into a red hot fire that burned her alive from the inside out. And then she’d take the same dosage, that one extra pill that made her feel like she was on cloud nine. It was a never-ending cycle.

And that’s where she lost herself.

-

She’s been out of the hospital for just over two weeks. Izzy’s essentially moved in, to take care of her, make sure everything’s okay. Bobbi’s sure she knows, sure she’s most likely told Fury. And Hunter. Fury she can deal with. It’s her ex that’s the real problem.

To quote Izzy, “he’s worried about you, Bob” (She snorted before responding with, “Where was he when I nearly died in the hospital, huh?” That shut her up real quick, even made her leave the apartment for the rest of the night).

Izzy’s been leaving more and more often. She’ll leave around three in the afternoon and come back just past midnight; some nights she doesn’t even come back at all. She constantly reeks of alcohol and smoke, and while Bobbi may be high as a kite more often than not, she damn well knows that scent like the back of her hand.

Bobbi kinda feels bad for Izzy. She has to hear Hunter whine day in and day out about his “hellbeast of an ex-wife.” At least that’s what she’s been told.

She doesn’t expect him to come around; he’s too busy drinking his days away.

-

She’s just past the highest point of a dose when there’s a knock at the door. Izzy’s out, probably with Idaho and Hunter at a bar, at least two beers in. Her side still twinges when she shifts too quickly, but the oxy does a wonderful job of making it fade away. Bobbi doesn’t even check who’s at the door before opening, and she just barely manages to stay on her feet.

“The fuck are you doing here, Hunter?” He pushes off the wall across from her door and strides in past her. She blinks as her vision tilts violently, and she shuts the door, leaning against it for support.

“Izzy’s getting sick of your shit,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest, standing his ground firmly. She snorts and pushes off the door, controlling each step carefully as she walks back to the couch.

“Never thought she’d get sick of me; I always thought it’d be you first.” She falls backward, bouncing lightly as she lands on the cushions and he rolls his eyes.

“She’s been sick of me since you introduced us.” He moves to stand directly in her line of vision and it takes a lot of effort to keep her eyes open. “This isn’t you.” His voice is quiet and timid while his stance is strong and the contradiction makes her giggle before she can stop herself.

“You think this is funny? You think it’s fun for your friends to watch you throw your life away in favor of some tiny blue pills?”

“What, you think it’s better to lose yourself at the bottom of a bottle?” she retorts, standing back up. Her skin starts to crawl and she curses inwardly, resisting the urge to scratch at her arms. He clenches his jaw as his hands ball into tight fists.

“Don’t tell me I’m wrong. Izzy often comes back smelling just like you do right now. I wonder, how drunk are you right now?” she accuses, punctuating her words with a jab at his chest.

“And just how fucked up are you right now?” She smells the alcohol on his breath, knows that he wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t drunk. She smiles bitterly, shaking her head, when suddenly her side twinges violently and she staggers backward, mouth hanging open as she tries to fight the pain.

“Bob?” he asks, sounding completely different than he did a second ago, and he steps forward cautiously.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” she spits between gritted teeth, squeezing her eyes shut as the pain intensifies. She carefully sits on the couch before fully lying down, trying not to curl in on herself; she’s done it once, knows it only hurts her more. She hears him move closer and she wants nothing more than for him to disappear. A whimper escapes out of her mouth as the pain grows and she swears this must be death.

“Shit, you’re bleeding.” She faintly catches his words over the blood rushing in her ears. “You must’ve reopened your stitches o-or-.” 

He’s cut off by someone flinging the door open and storming into her apartment. “Hunter, christ, should’ve known you’d come here first. What’re yo-. Shit, Idaho, call medical.” The world starts to spin and the last thing she sees is Izzy leaning over her, putting pressure on her wound.

-

She opens her eyes to bright white light and, for a split second, she thinks she’s dead. 

“Bobbi.”

It takes more effort than it should to keep her eyes open and turn her head in the direction the familiar voice.

“Hunter,” she rasps and it immediately sends her into a coughing fit. Next thing she knows, he’s standing by her side with a cup of water and holding it to her lips.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you for your problems when god knows I’ve got enough of my own.” She moves her hand to cover his and his lips turn up in a pained smile.

“We’re both hypocrites. Shit happens,” she says casually, attempting to shrug, but the motion makes her stitches tug painfully and she can’t hide her wince in time.

“Glad to see you’re awake.” She tilts her head to see Fury standing in the doorway, holding his hands behind his back. She can only guess that he’s not too happy with her.

“Good… day, director,” she responds, moving to push herself into a sitting position. Lance firmly pushes her shoulders into the mattress and she sighs before conceding.

“Didn’t think I’d see you back in the medbay so soon, Agent Morse.”

“That makes two of us, sir.” He strides over to the empty side of her bed, looking down at her.

“You’ve got a ways to go before you’ll be back in the field.” She swallows thickly and picks at the thin hospital blanket. “You can get back there, but you have to want to get back there,” he says, serious and stern, and she feels like a kid being scolded.

“I think I do, sir. Want to be back in the field, that is.” He nods, satisfied with her answer.

“If you do pull any of that shit again, you can bet your ass you’ll be on Stark duty.” His tone is light again, but she knows he’s not joking; she’s heard Coulson tell the horrors of Stark duty.

“Yes, sir. Understood.” Fury leaves, jacket flapping in the wind behind him. Bobbi turns her attention back to Lance, who looks mildly shocked.

“He’s…” He trails off, not sure how to finish the sentence.

“‘Terrifying as fuck’ is the term most commonly used by interns, I believe.” He nods his head numbly before looking back to her.

“Doc said you’re on an un-tamper-able IV and that you’ll be in here until the painkillers you need are simple over the counter ones.” She sighs and looks at the ceiling. “It’s for the best, Bob.”

“I know it is. Doesn’t mean I’m happy about spending the next few weeks in this damn hospital room.”

“I’ll keep you company, if you’d like.” She can’t hide her surprise at his words. “Izzy and Idaho too,” he adds quickly and she huffs a laugh through her nose.

“Why would you want to spend time with me if I’m the reason you drink?” His jaw clenches and she lets her head thump to the mattress as she closes her eyes. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean that.”

“Yeah, you did. You’re not entirely wrong.” She bites the inside of her cheek as she blinks up at him. The door to her room opens again and Lance steps away from her bed as Izzy walks in. 

“Yeah, I know, I’ll be on my way.” Izzy cocks an eyebrow as she sips her coffee and leans against the wall. He turns back to Bobbi, brushes the back of his finger over her cheek, and tucks her hair behind her ear. 

“Don’t die out there, Bob.” A whine catches in the back of her throat and she leans her head into his hand. He hesitates before pulling his hand back and walking away, and she catches regret flash across his face.

“Hunter, Idaho’s gonna take you home,” Izzy says as she passes him, and Bobbi catches the way he tenses up and freezes for a split second. She can’t take her eyes off him as he leaves, and her chest aches something fierce.

“If you ever pull any shit like that again, I’m gonna kill you.” Izzy orders, jabbing a finger into her bicep, and Bobbi forces a smile as she thinks of his hollow eyes.

“Don’t plan on it.”

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi! 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/bobbiimorses)
> 
> [tumblr](http://teacupandhellbeast.tumblr.com/)


End file.
